we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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