i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
