I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
