I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
