i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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