garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
