I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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