some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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