You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
