Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
