I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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