It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
