In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
