im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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