I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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