And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
