piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
