we made out on top of his cat.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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