i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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