Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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