wakey wakey hands off snakey
found the other keg... it's in the tree
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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