wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
