So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
