That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
