what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
