I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
