Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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