dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
