as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
