girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
