I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
