Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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