Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
