She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
