Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
