So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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