No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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