my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I wear drunk well.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
