My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
