He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
