Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
