Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
