I need help removing her.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
