I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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