how can u be prego again
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
