On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
