i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
