I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
as a side note pls kill me
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
