pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
