My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
