Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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