What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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