No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
