I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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