i was born a porn star she said
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
